I'm Not Trowa
by Quixotic Cervantes
Summary: As Trowa fights as a soldier under Mariemeia, he recalls the man that was the real Trowa Barton.


Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, Endless Waltz, or Trowa sadly.

**Warning! There is some sexual content, and it's not happy.**

* * *

**_AC 196_**

I see the door slide open and prepare. I raise the gunning arm of my mobile suit and aim. My usual style of course. I'm following my orders, eliminate the threat to the Bartons.

"Trowa! Why have you betrayed us?" I know that voice. Duo, pilot of Gundam Deathscythe. All the pilots know who they are. And they know me only as Trowa.

Trowa, that name has haunted me since I first learned of the Gundams. Trowa Barton, member of the Barton Foundation, former leader of Operation Meteor...the pilot intended for the Gundam Heavyarms. The man that would have ruled the Earth.

I am not Trowa, I am a nameless soldier who has been in the battlefield from as far back as I can remember...

**_AC 194_**

'_He's here again_.' the fourteen-year-old boy thought, listening to the heavy thud of footsteps on the metal bridge. The man often came, only at night, when the other workers slept but the nameless one continued. Ignoring the echoing thuds that drew nearer, the teen mechanic turned back to his work.

"Hey! No Name!" Battle-worn olive eyes flashed towards the voice, the owner thankful that his hair shielded him from the man's gaze. He felt large, strong hands grab his upper arms. He was pushed against the Gundam roughly, he would bruise by morning.

"What do you want Trowa?" The teen asked in a calm voice that would not betray the racing of his heart.

"You know just what I want, you worthless brat." One hand tightly help his hip as its pair was raised to the zipper of his jumper.

"Trowa-" the panic was heard in his quick calling of the man's name.

"Shut up," Trowa's rough voice snarled before yanking the zipper down. "Don't pretend you don't like this No Name, it's obvious you enjoy our time together." As if to prove a point, Trowa's hand slipped inside the boy's suit, searching low until he reached his semi-erect member. Grabbing it with a calloused hand, he forced the boy closer. "See? You like this almost as much as I do"

_'Do I?'_ The teen thought. He had heard of religious sects condemning this act, writing it off as sinful. He could feel his body going steadily harder as Trowa's hand remained wrapped around his member and thought back, it was often said that in times of excitement, both fearful and pleasurable, men's bodies would respond this way. _'Do I enjoy what he does to me? Or is my body merely reacting?'  
_

He felt a shoulder press hard into his mid-back, the sound of cloth rustling was followed by the clang of metal striking metal. Trowa roughly turned the nameless teen around. The boy, though tall, came up to the man's chin. He looked up before averting his eyes to the wall. His hand was grabbed suddenly, and forced down the larger man's boxers, his fingers timidly enveloping the hardened appendage, his grip tightened when he felt a large hand rewrap around his own.

His hand unknowingly mimicked Trowa's movements, stroking along his length, knowing only that it felt good. He groaned before thinking '_Am I truly taking pleasure_-' His thought broke as he shattered, his orgasm shaking his body as he came. He moaned once his body finally came back into his control, only to find himself once again facing the Gundam. He could feel the unshaven hairs of Trowa's face against his ear, his warm, now sticky, hand slowly spreading his legs apart, preparing him for the next step. He wondered again if he enjoyed what was happening. His body seemed to think so, but resented the pain he would endure, he had several times had to hide the seemingly permanent limp caused by Trowa's actions, could he really think he enjoyed this?

"Now it's my turn." The nameless boy tensed. A sharp pain shook through his lower half when Trowa rammed inside him. He bit back tears as the pain intensified with each thrust. He felt Trowa leave him, his own body once more hardened . He heard the older man walk away. He quickly stood, regretting it as pain ripped through him. He slowly trudged towards the showers, _'No, I am not like Trowa, I do not enjoy pain.'_

He was nervous, Trowa said he would be coming again tonight. The boy planned to fight back this time. He turned his head towards the hall where he could hear voices yelling.

"If we proceed with Operation Meteor two billion people will die."

_'Two billion? So many people, he's going to hurt them all.'_ flashes of the pain Trowa has caused him ran through his mind, _'Can I really allow him to hurt two billion people even worse than he's hurt me?'_ he heard a gun fired.

"Now you've done it"

"I'm sorry, but I have a family on earth so I…" He dropped his tool, '_Those two spoke, that means the one shot was...'  
_

"What the? Who's there?" The boy stands, it's best just to finish this.

"I have no name. If you must call me something just call me No Name." The teen stated calmly while walking out. The tall blond man raised the gun to his level.

"Were you watching us?"

"I'll understand if you want to kill me but I must tell you, I might retaliate." His eyes narrowed in warning. He didn't want to hurt this guy, he had freed him from Trowa.

"No, stop, sooner or later they'll find out about this anyway. There's no use trying hiding the facts now." The doctor told the man with the gun.

"You're giving up too easily. I was feeling insecure without a name, I wouldn't mind taking his name."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"It seems clear to me that I would be best suited for the battlefields."

"Are you saying that you would pilot this gundam-suit Heavyarms?"

"Yes, I've become fond of this suit. But I have absolutely no interest in conquering Earth." The boy watched the man think over this, contemplating his future.

"Why not, as of this moment your name is Trowa Barton, you are now in charge of Operation Meteor"

"I understand."

As the scientist explained Operation Meteor to the new Trowa, he studied it, learning to be the man as best he could. He would become the very man he had been so hurt by.

_'But I will never be like him'_

_**AC 196**_

I turned my attention back to the battle. Quickly pushing a cannon launching switch, I spoke my thought to my one time friend.

"You've got the wrong guy, I'm not Trowa."

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End file.
